Back to Normalacy

Last week I went in for my last and final CT Scan. We also were able to pick up an itemized bill from the hospital.... YIKES! For as much as my first house I am happy to be alive and healthy.

The CT scan results said that the brain bleed is completely resolved. There was no new bleeding and the previous bleed had been absorbed into my body. So I am healed! Ready to get back to life... with a few quirks.

Quirk 1. I'm emotional. I cry easily over the silliest of things. I was at K-Mart with my 7 yr. old picking out a matchbox car and started crying. Not my idea of what should be an emotional moment.

Quirk 2. I'm forgetful. Did I start the dishwasher? Nope... forgot. What day is it? Who knows. Don't even ask me where I parked the car. We were at dinner and I asked my husband where he had gone. He hadn't gone anywhere... at all... he had just been sitting there the whole time! At least it's just my short term memory. I would hate to forget my children!

Quirk 3. I lack focus. I tend to be more scattered and can't seem to focus as long on a project. Going back to work should be interesting.

Quirk 4. Busy places, loud noises, lots of movement around me are completely overwhelming. I went to my in-laws for a family gathering. I had to leave and find a quiet spot... where of course I cried. Sigh...

Quirk 5. I can't watch movies that have a bajillion different camera angles in every scene. It makes my head scream! Snitch (regardless of the fact that the movie is only sub-par to begin with) would be one of those movies. OUCH!

Quirk 6. I have the weirdest dreams ever. Not that I can remember them for more than 5 minutes!

Quirk 7. I feel disconnected at times. Emotionally, spiritually, physically disconnected... its really hard to explain.

Rumor has it that these things will get better over the next 6 months until hopefully I am back to normalacy... or at least my version of it.

Not the adventure I had in mind...

It wasn't exactly an ordinary day to begin with. It was Monday, Sept 9th and I was scheduled to begin an RV Survivor type challenge at 1 at Bish's RV. I had my gear... a sleeping bag, all the clothes I could layer, medicine (an inhaler and some allergy medication) and my one personal item (a large can of spray on deodorant that me and all the other contestants could share). I was excited for this opportunity! Oh the stories I would be able to walk away and tell my friends and family once it was over. I didn't care about winning as much as I cared about the experience. 
I wound up with a bigger story than even I would have preferred. 

There's me... and all my fantastic layers. Thank heavens for tearaway pants!

After meeting all the competitors and figuring out food and sleeping arrangements. We just hung about and got to know one another. It was great hearing everyone's stories and seeing where everyone was at in life.
 Each night of the competition two people would be voted off after a nightly challenge. We watched from our fenced off area as the Bish's RV staff started filling pits with water and mud, and setting up a maze of water bottles. A large crowd gathered to watch us compete. We were split up into two teams and told what we had to do. 

Go blindfolded through the maze of water bottles trying not to knock any over while one team member shouts directions, every water bottle knocked over would be a second added to the total time. Once that was complete we were to run to the obstacle course... army crawl under a bunch of wires, swing over a mud pit on a rope and have the entire team land on this platform... (I sucked at that!) Run up a berm and down into a larger mud pool, get across and out and run through some electrical hangy down things through yet some more mud. We would then be near the end but first our team would split up into threes. Three members would push a tractor tire end over end across the line, three different team members would do the same thing back and then all six would get that bugger tire end over end for the last time across the finish line. 

Holy crap wha?? I should've trained more intensely obviously. 

So here is where it gets interesting. Somewhere along the way during the course... my brain began to bleed... and I was about to be a very, very sick girl. 

I remember finishing the course and sitting on the edge of the tractor tire. "I can't feel my legs." I mumbled. I sat on that tire breathing heavily. Looking around and waiting for my body to adjust. I stood, faltered... and forced my legs towards the stage. 

There I stood leaning against the stairs watching the other team navigate their way through the water bottle maze... but I didn't feel right. My legs still felt awkward, heavy and uncooperative and my head felt disconnected. 

The other team ran past me and I pushed away from the stairs and made my way a few feet over to where our campers sat. My heading feeling more and more fuzzy and disconnected with every step. 

I have asthma, so I thought maybe if I just used my inhaler I would feel better. So I went into the camper, grabbed my inhaler and took a couple of puffs. I sat outside on a log... I could hear the commotion from the crowd cheering on the other team... but it seemed far away. My vision began to blur and I began to swirl. Up, down, around and sideways. 

"Why am I twirling? This is the worst rollercoaster I have ever been on." I remember thinking. 

"I need to lay down" I thought... and I remember laying on the prickly grass. 

Everything else is a blur... and I don't remember how long I laid there. Someone had moved me to the couch that they had brought as their one personal item. I remember occasional voices... and questions... and I remember vaguely barfing... a lot. What was going on? 

I have never passed out in my entire life. 

I remember my husband's phone number repeating over and over in my head until I said it out loud and someone must've called him because there he was cradling my head while I vomited some more. 

and then there he was again with his hands on top of my head giving me a blessing. Saying a prayer that I would get well and we would figure out what was wrong. 

I don't remember much else from the competition. I was voted off... an excellent call if you ask me... and I was put into the car and Trent drove me home. The drive home was miserable. My head hurt and I kept vomiting... despite the fact that anything considered food left my stomach earlier. 

I was then taken to the emergency room at Madison Memorial. I remember bits and pieces. "Do you have insurance." ... No... "Okay, what's the policy number?" ... I don't have insurance. Because why not stress out the bleeding girls brain even more. Sigh... 

They put me through for a CT Scan... I kept my eyes closed. It was the only way to make the world stop spinning... plus the lights were so bright they hurt my eyes. 

After the CT Scan the doctor came in to inform us that I had a brain bleed. I was to immediately be taken by ambulance to EIRMC. 

I wasn't scared and it really didn't sink in that I was in a bit of medical trouble until that ambulance ride. 

The EMT's were very kind and dosed me up with some good pain killer and anti-nausea meds. As I was drifting in and out of consciousness again I heard the EMT say to the driver... "Full lights, full speed the entire way." 

That's when I realized that a brain bleed is a big deal. If it is serious enough to drive full speed all the way to Idaho Falls with lights blaring the whole way... that meant I could die. 

That blue bag... that's the barf bag. lol 

 I got to EIRMC and they put me straight into the ICU where I stayed for 4 days. I had two more CT Scans and a cerebral angiogram to determine if I needed surgery or not. After the angiogram the doctor came in and told me that my brain looked like a brain he had already operated on. They couldn't pin point where the bleeding had come from, which meant it was likely from a damage vein, and there was no new bleeding. There was some minor swollen arteries and they would just wait for everything to calm down and finish healing itself. There would be no surgery. 

My bestie drove all the way from Reno, NV to come be by my side at the hospital. My husbands work gave him time off to come see me and to manage the seven kids at home. My work sent flowers and made visits. My mom came from Ogden and helped manage things at home and hundreds of people made donations and sent prayers and well wishes. I can not thank these people enough. The goodness of peoples hearts and their generosity will forever lie in my heart as a moment to never be forgotten. 

Now I am in recovery. Two weeks off from work and another CT scan to get the clear to get back to life. In the meantime I rest and heal. I get frustrated and mad that I am still in so much pain at times... but then I remember that pain means I am still here. It means I can still kiss my children goodnight and wrap my arms around my husband. So I am thankful for even the pain... and it will eventually get better.  

So while this wasn't the adventure I had thought I would have during the Bish's RV competition... It was still and adventure. A life changing adventure.